Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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