is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize