I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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