she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
