If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Blood and glitter go together right?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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