The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Ketchup is God's man juice
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
