New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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