I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
