saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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