is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
