Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Randomize
