i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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