Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
