no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Blood and glitter go together right?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
