I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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