Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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