my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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