Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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