so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
