Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Two words: blizzard sex
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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