Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Randomize
