Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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