I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Randomize
