You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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