Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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