Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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