This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
do nipples grow back?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
