tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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