Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
