she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
