im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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