Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
