just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
