wakey wakey hands off snakey
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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