gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
