I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I think I have vodka in my lungs
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize