Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
