i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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