I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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