I wish I could teleport
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
