if i can run in heels then i can drive
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize