Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
