That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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