Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
