WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
