question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
