Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
