How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Come on in and take your pants off
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