and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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