hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
