my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
