Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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