everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
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