Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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