Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
You are the jesus of drinking
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