I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I did not marry a roomba.
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