There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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