Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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