Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
