I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
