every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
