i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
