the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I just forgot I was standing up.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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