why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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