you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
