i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
MIDGETS
????
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
